Okay, so why did I create this blog? Having never done anything like this before, it wasn’t something I thought of doing on a whim but something I’ve been mauling over for a months now. When considering if my experiences are actually worth telling I have kind of thought that even if one person finds it insightful then it’ll be worth it. If it helps someone struggling with similar issues then again it’s worth it.
My purpose of my blog is to tell my experiences of living with bipolar disorder and possibly the history surrounding it over the last 20 years (if I can get my head around blogging!). My name is Jake and I’m currently 35 and was only diagnosed with Bipolar II Disorder last year. Initially when I got the diagnosis I was relieved, relieved that at last someone was actually listening to me and that something was being done about the persistent mood disturbances I couldn’t control and were impacting my quality of life.
For me, I would imagine that trying to explain bipolar to someone without bipolar is like a woman trying to explain to a man what childbirth is like – unless you actually experience it then you’re not really gonna understand. I may be wrong and may just be from my experience of telling friends and family and my employer what bipolar actually is and being faced with a quizzical look of ‘it’s just a mood issue – everyone has them’. My therapist told me that one of his clients described it as a train – you don’t really have any control over it you just have to go with it. For me, nothing could be further from the truth – if I could sum up one phrase from the last 20 years of my bipolar episodes is lack of control.
From being so exuberant and energetic that you can do two days worth of work in one to being so depressed that the blackness feels like that it will never leave you again and life is over, I think describes it very well!
I will go into this in more detail as I take you on my journey but I wanted to give you a taste of what this blog will entail to see if it’s something you’d actually be interested in. My posts may not always be regular as my mood will very much dictate how, when and what I write. I may also write during periods of hypomania or during the depressive times. Hopefully at least this will give you some understanding of what it’s like and if you have bipolar, some recognition and appreciation. For me I found reading other people’s experiences helpful in understanding myself.
When writing this, I decided I liked the picture that WordPress assigned to my first post as I found it quite symbolic of a bipolars’ journey – trying to find stability in an ocean of emotions and waiting for the rising, shining sun to illuminate the darkest periods of bipolar depression.